the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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