I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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