you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
