when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
