Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
