just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
