Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
