Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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