Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
