you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
