The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
