there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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