hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
