i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
