Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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