i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
