Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
