last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
