sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
