summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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