I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
