Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
