Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize