are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
