I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
