it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
