We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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