half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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