is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
