8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
