home. puking in laundry basket.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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