its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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