He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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