i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
