My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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