I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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