I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize