I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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