In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
