You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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