after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
