i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
