We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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