I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I love you.
Bad choice
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
