he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
