if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize