this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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