i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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