remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
