Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
