I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
