my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
