You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
