I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
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