He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
