Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I party with great urgency now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
