yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
