I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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