Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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