We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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