No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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