bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
