no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
