$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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