I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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