omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
