11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
