He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
tell me about the eggs
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