everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
