saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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