remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
