the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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