did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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