At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
